I'm So Scared
by xxxturkey
Summary: A Chapter 437 Fic. I think i was the first to post one here, for whatever that's worth... This isn't a carbon copy of what happened in the chapter, it's an inner monologue from Hinata's point of view. Open ended in terms of what might happen next...


This fic contains massive spoilers about chapter 437. For the love of all that is holy do not read this if you don't want the manga spoiled. If you haven't read it yet then why on earth are you here? Close your eyes and keep clicking randomly until you close this window. Got it?

For everyone else, others like me who have already had the chapter spoiled, sorry about all this, but I really don't want some fool arguing they didn't know and having a go at me. I've cut back on the spoiler warnings now that other fics have been posted.

…

…

…

It's dark.

…

I can't tell if my eyes are open or closed and I can't tell if I'm dreaming.

I can't move either… maybe I've died.

…

If I was alive would I be able to feel any pain?

I don't feel any pain… I can't feel anything at all… and I don't know what that means…

It's dark… and I'm so scared. And yet despite that…

I don't regret what I did, not even a little.

If it was for Naruto-kun I would give my life over and over again… If it was for you, I would forfeit my own life for yours… If it was for you, I think I could do anything. Because…

Because I love you Naruto-kun.

I love you, enough to stand in front of the man that destroyed our village and fight him with the courage that you inspired in me.

I love you Naruto-kun, and I would sacrifice myself to keep alive the smiling face of yours that encouraged me for so long.

Perhaps I have.

…

It's so dark Naruto-kun, and I'm so scared. But I hope that I made a difference, even if I was defeated. Despite the fact I failed, above all I really hope you're okay…

I wasn't a burden was I? I hope not. I wanted to show that I wouldn't be a burden.

Now that I think about it though, maybe I am still weak. Not because I was defeated, but because it took me this long to reveal my feelings for you. I shouldn't have waited until I thought I would die to make a confession. I suppose I regret that. No… I definitely regret that… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Naruto-kun.

There are other things I'm sorry for too. I really wish I had been able to prove my worth to my father. I don't know whether you knew Naruto-kun, but even though I have a father, for a long time I didn't really. My childhood was lonely too. You always wanted recognition from the whole village, but I only wanted it from two people: my father, and then you.

I don't know whether I'll be able to see either now.

…

It's a little selfish isn't it Naruto-kun, to have these desires when so many people have died already? When there's already so much suffering, is it okay to want that much? Probably not, and yet I want so many things…

I still want to improve myself, and show my father my improvement; I want to become someone my sister can look up to, and someone who can help erase the hatred that hurt my cousin for so long. I want to show that I am not a burden… and…

And I want to see your face again, alive and well, and I want to know your feelings about me. And I want to see you when you achieve your dream, become Hokage, and gain the respect of the village. And even though it's horribly selfish of me I want to be there by your side every step of that journey, I want to encourage you if you ever feel unsure like I do and return some of what you unknowingly gave me.

And even though it sounds ridiculous now, and though I still don't know how you feel, Naruto-kun, I want to always be by your side. I want to share everything with you, both good and bad times. I want to start a family with you Naruto-kun, and together we would make sure our family would never know the pain or loneliness we knew.

…

I want I want I want…

You know what I've realised Naruto-kun? I don't regret protecting you; I don't regret my decision to sacrifice myself for you. But…

I really, really _don't_ want to die.

I know you're not there, and I know you can't hear me, and I don't know where I am but… but I really want to live. I don't want to say that I want_ed_, Naruto-kun. I want to believe I still have a future, despite the fact that I am scared… so scared in this dark place with no pain.

And so, no matter what, no matter how dark it gets and no matter how scared I am… I will still be thinking of you.

I love you, Naruto-kun.

XXXXXXXXXX

Yeah… this came out in one night… unsure of whether it's any good or not but it felt right to write it so there ya go.

Slightly side note: On aforementioned forums I've noticed that some people have argued that Naruto would have gone mental if any one of his friends had defended him and perhaps that's true.

My view? Hinata was the only one who did; therefore his reaction is for her. Maybe what happened was the straw that broke the camels back. The village, Kakashi and Shizune all add up to a lot of pain, and I reckon that's fairly spot on to be honest, but you can't devalue Hinata by saying it would have ended up the same way if anyone else had been taken down. Hinata was the one who went in knowing the risks; Hinata put her life on the line. We saw that Shikamaru considered it, but he was persuaded not to. Hinata was told not to and has done it anyway. Not attacking any characters, just saying Hinata was the only one to step in and trigger Naruto's reaction. There's no point in saying that someone else might have triggered that reaction, because they didn't. Hinata did.

And so that's off my chest…

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.

Later.


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